I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
