This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
