Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
