whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
