I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
