If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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