So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
