He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize