you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?