Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.