Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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