Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.