Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
