maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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