Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
