Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
