uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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