PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
