but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
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