At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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