Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
