I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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