I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
