I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
