He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
