mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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