I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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