Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
