that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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