She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
