i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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