fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
