Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
