I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
