just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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