cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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