I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
