The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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