next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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