im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
