I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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