Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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