the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
