oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
