I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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