I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
