you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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