I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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