last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
