where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
