My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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