I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
