By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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