its not stalking. its research.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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