why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
