my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
