let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
