I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
