I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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