sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
