Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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