We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
