u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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