in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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