I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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