tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
