I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
