Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
