I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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