I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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