I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
