I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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