she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
