He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
