I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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