No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
