Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize