I need help removing her.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
